Shoe references just seem to fit my current situation so well.
Up until this morning, I felt like a little girl wearing her mom’s big grown up shoes. I was walking around the world stumbling and trying to find my place and force others to believe that I was the owner of these beautiful, black wedges and I knew what I was doing. After every trip and wrong turn, I felt compelled to prove to others I wasn’t the little girl I appeared to be, but an adult.
I heard it so many times. “You’re SO young! You’re such a baby! Were you even born then?!”
Being the youngest at work was usually one of my little joys. I was at the same level as all these well established men and women, but they saw right through me to who I still was. A little girl.
Every morning I slipped on a pair of heels, feeling awkward and out of place, and walked out the door trying to make others see who I felt like inside. I wasn’t the 22-year-old newbie, but a smart and ambitious young woman with goals to accomplish.
It never worked. I always got the same comments: “You were born WHEN!?” That little joy of mine started to fade and I became self-conscious and bummed out.
I was the baby.
But today, in some odd, magical way, the shoes finally fit.
I wasn’t tripping or dragging those heels around anymore. I wasn’t stuffing socks in the toe to make others believe I was an adult and I fit my new role. Suddenly, I just was one.
Cleaning my own apartment, cooking lunch and spying that beautiful new car in the parking lot, I finally felt settled in my new world.
I look around and feel proud that all the finishing touches to this apartment, including the walls, water, electricity, cable, Internet (excluding this awesome couch housewarming present from my parents! Love you guys!) was all because of my hard work.
My new world is finally feeling like my own.
And let me tell you, I am rockin’ these big girl shoes.