I’m currently standing at a crossroads between what I’ve ever known to be reality and the rest of my life.
I’m wearing one bright white sneaker with pink flowers with frilly white socks folded over, ready to run out to the caterpillar jungle gym at Manatee Elementary and one black business high heel ready to take the career world by storm.
Not going away to college gave me some of the best years — being able to understand my parents at the level of an adult and spend four more years learning and growing with my family. While many of my peers chose to jump into the deep end with their floaty wings on, I chose to stay in the shallow end and learn to tread water myself.
Now here I am. 22-years-old. Awesome job in advertising making more than many of my friends. Steady, committed relationship of nearly 7 years. Ready to start making my way from the 4-feet kiddy pond to the big people 10-feet deep end.
Tonight is my last night in my childhood home with my family. I have lived on Providence Road since I was 5-years-old. And as much as I have taught myself to hold in my sadness and look for the positives, I can’t help but well up every time I hear that my parents will miss me. It’s quickly gulped down and met with laughter and a sly joke, but the feelings are there.
With great excitement and mystery comes great fear. But I’m ready to feel the fear. I’m ready to test out my strength and get moving on what Markella’s life will be like. Unfortunately that means leaving the thing I’ve ever known to be home behind, but I think I’m ok with that. It’s just unsettling knowing I won’t be coming back here.
And to look on the bright side, I know my family and I will be closer because of this change. We won’t be at each other’s throats with annoyance. We’ll have our space. It will be better. My brothers will come over to borrow movies. My mom will come over and tell me how dusty my apartment is and drink wine and laugh with me. My dad will rescue me when I’m drowning in my own life and need someone to debate things with.
I’m sure my mom is a big ball of emotions as she’s reading this. She’s checking my grammar because she’s my personal editor on this blog, whether I asked for it or not. But I just want you to know I am just 5 minutes away. 5 minutes more to get to my house after work. 5 minutes to stop by whenever you want. Anytime.
Another major positive is that I get to move in with the love my life. Since even before we were officially together, we would sit on the phone late at night, day dreaming about living together, waking up together, cooking dinner after a long day, getting mad when the other leaves the toothpaste uncapped. When one chapter finishes, another one begins. It’s just hard to turn the page when I loved this chapter so much.
I know I’m not dipping my feet into murky water, uncharted territory. I have Kyle there to help me through. And the undeniable support from my family at home.
This will be a good thing.